


you said forever now i drive alone past your street

by plutomurphy



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Arguing, Break Up, Crying, Drinking, Driving, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Kissing, Lovers To Enemies, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Song fic, Strangers to Lovers, The 100 - Freeform, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:35:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28837896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plutomurphy/pseuds/plutomurphy
Summary: “Y’know,” Bellamy said after a moment. “I taught Octavia how to drive.”“Congrats?”Bellamy rolled his eyes. “I could teach you how to drive. If you wanted.”“Oh.”“I wouldn’t mind,” Bellamy replied. “I’ve been really bored since football season ended anyway.”“So helping poor Murphy with an absent mother learn how to drive is your new hobby of choice?” Murphy laughed. “Maybe you can put that on your college application. That counts as charity right?”“Murphy-”“-Relax man, I’m kidding,” Murphy said. “When do we start?”-Murphy needs his driver's license and Bellamy needs something to do, so, being the gentleman he is, Bellamy offers to teach Murphy how to drive. (aka: a murphamy fic based on olivia rodrigo's new hit song "drivers license")
Relationships: Bellamy Blake & Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake & John Murphy, Bellamy Blake & Nathan Miller, Bellamy Blake & Octavia Blake, Bellamy Blake & Raven Reyes, Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake/John Murphy, John Murphy & Raven Reyes, Lexa & John Murphy (The 100)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 17





	1. i still hear your voice in the traffic, we're laughing

**Author's Note:**

> okay so this one is probably gonna be another one of my chaptered fics that i alternate updating but i just really wanted to get the first chapter out as soon as possible while the song was still fresh in everyone's minds and also to see if you guys were actually interested in me continuing this fic to follow the rest of the song's lyrics ( this first chapter only marks a portion of the song because i'm writing from the singer's perspective and working up to when the song is finished and the singer is looking back on everything if that makes sense? )
> 
> anyways- let me know if you guys want me to continue this one and just in general what you think :) i LOVE feedback so i know what i can improve upon versus what you guys already like!!! ily all <3

With chilled air rolling up his spine in waves and surprisingly, stone-cold sober, John Murphy was walking towards a destination that he was yet to pinpoint. Raven Reyes had blown him off for reasons unknown and he didn’t want to be alone and vulnerable to his high school peers. That had happened once before, and he wouldn’t put himself in that situation ever again.

The air was cold and biting since it was already November and Murphy hated himself for not wearing more layers. Murphy shivered and his head hurt like a bitch, but he continued to put one foot in front of the other on the cracked pavement. 

That night was the night that John Murphy met Bellamy Blake. Well, it wasn’t necessarily a literal meeting considering that they had met before, going to the same school and all. It was more like the kind where eyes met eyes instead of fists meeting his face which was entirely expected during an interaction between Bellamy, a semi-popular kid, and Murphy, an outcast. 

Murphy was always suspicious of cars slowing down when they saw him on the side of the road, as were most. So, when Bellamy pulled up to Murphy in his average white car, his shoulders grew tight and he walked a little faster. 

“Hey,” Bellamy greeted, rolling down his window. “You’re John Murphy right?”

Murphy slowed down but didn’t make eye contact with Bellamy. “Yeah?”

“Why’re you walking home?” Bellamy asked. “You coming from the party at Jasper’s too?”

“Can’t drive.” Murphy did a sort of half-shrug, looking at the ground. “And yeah, I was gonna get a ride home from Raven but she ditched. Don’t even think she came to the party.”

Bellamy was silent for a moment, but then said, “I could give you a ride?” 

Murphy looked up, meeting Bellamy’s eyes. “Why?”

“You’re walking home alone in the dark and you’re friends with my friends. If you get murdered on your way home in the darkness I won’t be able to live with myself,” Bellamy said. “And even if I did want to live with myself Raven would probably murder me in my sleep over the whole thing.”

“Fine,” Murphy sighed, waiting for Bellamy to stop the car so he could walk around it and sit in the passenger seat. He was surprised by the interior of Bellamy’s car, expecting it to be plain but instead observing the pins, patches, stickers, and colored lights all over the dashboard, floors, ceiling, windows, and everything that he hadn’t been able to see from the angle he was at on the street. “Nice car.”

“Don’t be an asshole,” Bellamy grumbled. 

“I’m not,” Murphy said, defensively. “I actually do like it. I was expecting something more... _boring_.”

“Well I’m glad that I was able to defy your expectations then,” Bellamy smirked. Murphy just sighed and watched as Bellamy came to a stop at a stoplight. “You still live in the same house you did when you were a kid?”

Murphy nodded. It didn’t even cross his mind to ask why Bellamy knew where he lived, but they lived in a relatively small town, so Murphy didn’t think to ask. “Yeah. Mom can’t be fucked to try and move somewhere better.” Murphy smirked, but he didn’t smile. “Not like we’d have the money anyway.” 

Bellamy opened his mouth to speak but closed it promptly after the light turned green. Murphy felt his shoulders became a tad looser. Even though he was sober, he always tended to get extra touchy and emotional after three am, always saying stupid shit that’d make people worry about him. 

“Why don’t you have your driver's license?” Bellamy asked. “You’re a junior right?”

“Yeah. I turned sixteen a couple months ago. I just haven’t really gotten around to it. I don’t know.”

Bellamy turned to him slightly, eyebrows asymmetrical with curiosity. “Do you want to learn how to drive?”

“I mean I guess. I don’t really have anyone to teach me though, and I can’t afford driving lessons, so I’m kind of stuck.” Murphy had considered asking one of his friends but he wasn’t sure he could ask them and risk rejection. Not learning how to drive was worth his emotional sanity and he knew that was sensitive and dramatic but he couldn’t help it. The only person he’d actually asked was Lexa but she was almost always working so it wouldn’t have been enough. 

“That sucks.”

Murphy exhaled, letting his head roll back and to the side to hit the car window. The window felt like ice against his skin and it made his head hurt more, but he made no effort to move. “It’s okay. I’ve been walking everywhere my whole life so it’s not really a big deal.”

Murphy noticed that Bellamy was turning onto his street and swallowed a lump in his throat. When he was walking home in the first place he hadn’t _actually_ planned on going home. He was probably going to crash at Raven’s or Emori’s again, but he didn’t say those things. He just sat quietly and watched how the moon followed them through the car window. 

“Y’know,” Bellamy said after a moment. “I taught Octavia how to drive.”

“Congrats?”

Bellamy rolled his eyes. “I could teach you how to drive. If you wanted.”

“Oh.”

“I wouldn’t mind,” Bellamy replied. “I’ve been really bored since football season ended anyway.”

“So helping poor Murphy with an absent mother learn how to drive is your new hobby of choice?” Murphy laughed. “Maybe you can put that on your college application. That counts as charity right?”

“Murphy-”

“-Relax man, I’m kidding,” Murphy said. “When do we start?” 

-

“You’ve got your permit on you right?” 

Murphy pulled it out of his pocket. “Yes sir.”

“How did you even get it anyway?” Bellamy asked.

“Looked up answers online and memorized them. Then I got Lexa to take me, ‘cause she’s nineteen.”

“She’s not your legal guardian though.”

Murphy nodded. “No she is not, but I have my ways. So does Lexa. She always gets what she wants.”

Bellamy sighed. “Good enough for me.” He reached to put his seatbelt on and gestured for Murphy to do the same so he could give Murphy a rundown of the basics before Murphy crashed the car and killed them both. 

After just a few minutes of basic driving lessons, Murphy was on the road. Bellamy was calmer than Murphy expected him to be with all of his mistakes and other cars beeping at him, but he was eternally grateful for it. Bellamy was unbearably supportive and patient; it honestly made Murphy feel kind of sick. He blamed it on the nerves from driving for the first time though, which was entirely plausible. 

“You okay? You’ve been quiet for like fifteen minutes,” Bellamy said, looking through the windshield with tired eyes. They were driving down a long, straight road that was one of the easiest roads Murphy had driven on all day. 

“Yeah?” Murphy asked with a tinge of annoyance. His hands were bone-white gripping the steering wheel and his left leg, bored from disuse, was bouncing enough for it to shake the car a little bit. 

Bellamy sighed. “You wanna call it quits for today? Get some food or something?” 

The sun had started to go down minutes ago, golden light shining through the windows fiercely, making it increasingly harder for Murphy to drive. Besides, they had been driving for hours and hours. Murphy was surprised he hadn’t passed out yet since he hadn’t eaten anything all day. “Sure.”

Bellamy nodded and directed him into a parking lot so they could switch places. When switching seats in front of the car the two boys nearly rammed into each other, but luckily at the last minute, Bellamy moved to the side with a small smile. Murphy’s neck burned and he reached a hand up to rub it, willing the warmth away. 

“Where do you wanna go?” Bellamy asked. 

Murphy shrugged. “Wherever.”

Bellamy nodded and started to drive. He plugged his phone into the aux cord at a stoplight and put on a song Murphy didn’t recognize. “Who is this?”

“Oh, this is my song. Sorry, I probably should’ve asked before I put it on. I’m trying to work out the kinks so I’ve been listening to it non-stop.”

Murphy’s eyes widened. “This is you?”

Bellamy flushed, shades of pink painting over his freckled cheeks. Murphy thought they kind of looked like strawberries. “Yeah. It’s not finished though I promise my songs aren’t usually this terrible.”

“You’re joking right?” Murphy said, leg still bouncing but this time in beat with the music. “Bellamy, this is really good.”

“You really think so?”

Murphy nodded and reigned in his racing thoughts for a moment to listen to the lyrics of the song. It wasn’t the kind of music Murphy usually listened to, it was too acoustic and not angry enough but he didn’t mind. Bellamy’s voice sounded sweet and intoxicating in his ears and the lyrics paired with the guitar technique were beautiful. “I can’t believe you wrote this. What’s it about?”

“It’s a song about being bisexual. I wrote it last year when I was trying to figure myself out and everything,” Bellamy said casually, like it was nothing. 

“You’re bisexual?” 

Bellamy furrowed his eyebrows. “That’s not common knowledge?”

“No?” 

“Oh,” Bellamy said. “Well, now you know.” Murphy nodded and observed that Bellamy had parked his car in front of a small coffee shop on the northside of town that Murphy hadn’t gone to since he was a kid. 

“Sanctum?”

“You wanna go somewhere else?”

“No this is fine,” Murphy said, unbuckling his seatbelt when Bellamy did, following him inside. 

When they entered Sanctum, Murphy knew he should’ve been thinking about what he was going to order but he couldn’t stop thinking about that song Bellamy played in the car. He blamed it on the catchy lyrics. 

“-Murphy, _Murphy-_ ”

“-Sorry uh, just a black tea and a plain bagel.” 

Thinking about the fact that he was hanging out with Bellamy Blake was also something Murphy couldn’t wrap his head around. Sure, Bellamy and him had mutual friends, but in their small school that was relatively common. Before the night when Bellamy had asked him if he needed a ride, Murphy couldn’t remember the last time he talked to Bellamy or if he ever had. 

Murphy never really had a problem with not being one of the “cool” kids. In their school, there weren’t even popular kids per say, but there were cliques and Murphy and Bellamy were _definitely_ in different ones despite the overlap. Bellamy was smart, and kind, and talented, and built like a Greek god and Murphy wore all black and made an effort to glare at strangers to prevent them from talking to him like some kind of anti-social rottweiler.

Eventually, their order was called and the boys found a small table in the back of the shop. It was relatively busy since rush-hour was approaching, but it wasn’t unbearable. 

“Do you not like coffee?” Bellamy asked, grin tugging on his lips. 

“First of all, I do not appreciate the tone you’re using right now,” Murphy said. “Second of all, coffee is gross.”

Bellamy shrugged. “Suit yourself. The only person I’ve ever met who doesn’t like coffee is my mom.”

“You think she’d be interested in having a tea party then? Maybe we can "do it" after. I think I'd be a pretty good step-dad.”

Bellamy shoved his shoulder after that comment but Murphy didn’t mind, Bellamy’s eyes were soft and crinkled around the edges. “So?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, we’ve lived in the same town for our entire lives and had mutual friends but I don’t think we’ve ever really... _talked_.”

Murphy finished chewing on a piece of his bagel before asking, “what’s your point?”

“Tell me something about yourself.”

Murphy snorted. “What is this? A date?”

Bellamy swallowed and rolled his eyes playfully. “Don’t be such a dick. I’m just trying to make conversation.”

“Well, that was your first mistake. I hate small talk and I also am always a dick. It’s kind of my thing,” Murphy said. “There, now you’ve got two fun facts about me. You’re welcome.”

“Okay, fine since you don’t like small talk-” Bellamy started, trying to wrack his brain for a question that wasn’t about the weather or other shitty small talk. “-Do you believe in aliens?”

“It would be insane for you to think that I don’t.”

Bellamy laughed, leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed. “Oh really?”

“Do you not think they’re real?” Murphy narrowed his eyes. 

“No, no I do. You just don’t seem like the type to be a little sci-fi fanboy.”

“I’m _not_ a sci-fi fanboy. I’m also not little, you’re like an inch taller than me,” Murphy said, swallowing the rest of his bagel. 

“You’re such a liar.”

“Okay, fine then. You want to get to know each other more? Let’s skip to the hard-hitting questions."

“Be my guest,” Bellamy said, sipping on his coffee before looking back up at Murphy. 

“What’s your body count?” Murphy asked. Bellamy gave him a strange look and flushed slightly, eyes darting around the coffee shop. “What?” Murphy asked defensively. 

“You can’t just ask that!”

“Why not?” Murphy replied, a smile growing on his face when he saw Bellamy's skin was tinted red, yet again. Murphy smirked at the sight. “Oh it’s a _lot_ then, isn’t it?”

Bellamy sighed. “I refuse to talk to you about this. Ask me something else.”

“Fine, you’re no fun. I'll think of a new one," Murphy said. "What made you realize that you were bisexual?” 

Bellamy continued to flush but answered the question anyway. “I was questioning for a while and then last year I hooked up with a guy at a party.”

“You’re not even gonna tell me who the guy was?” Bellamy groaned. “Please?” 

“He’s not out. I’m not an asshole Murphy.”

“Fair enough,” Murphy said. “You got anything fun you want to ask me now? Unlike you, I’m an open book. Go crazy, ask me anything.”

“Uh,” Bellamy said. “Have you dated anyone since the whole Emori thing happened?”

“You mean Emori and I breaking up and then both announcing that we’re gay?” Bellamy nodded. “Depends on what you consider dating.”

“What does that mean?”

Murphy shrugged. “There aren’t a lot of gay and bi guys in this town. I don’t have a lot of options and I’ve already tried most of them.”

“Like-”

“-I went on dates with them and none of them worked out. Also whatever has happened at parties if you know what I mean but most of the time I don’t remember those.”

Bellamy nodded. “So you’re single then?”

“Why? Are you trying to play matchmaker Blake?” 

“Maybe.” Bellamy shrugged. 

Murphy shook his head at Bellamy and stood up to throw out his stuff, leaving Bellamy at the table alone. As he went to turn around to go back to their table, Murphy was harshly knocked into a middle-aged woman who seemed to have a permanent sneer on her face. There was coffee drenched all over her and barely any on Murphy except for a small spot on the thigh of his jeans. 

Murphy knew he should apologize, but the dirty look the woman was giving him forced him not to. After all, he never was the polite type. “Sorry,” he said in a very obviously unapologetic voice. 

The woman scoffed at him. “You’re gonna buy me a new coffee, aren’t you sir?” she said after he started to walk away. 

“You bumped into me,” he said plainly. She crossed her arms. 

“I’ll get the manager.”

Murphy smirked, trying not to laugh. “Okay?” Bellamy all of the sudden was right behind him, causing Murphy to flinch. “Christ don’t just sneak up on people like that.”

Bellamy rolled his eyes “What did you do?” 

“Some lady knocked into me and spilled her coffee all over herself. She wanted me to buy her a new one even though it was her fault and I said no so now she’s getting the manager.”

“You couldn’t just suck it up and buy her the stupid coffee?”

“It was her fault, not mine. You’re never gonna get far in life if you let people like her walk all over you y’know.”

“Fine. I’ll just buy her the stupid coffee,” Bellamy breathed, watching her walk back towards them, no manager in sight. 

“Oh, I get it now,” the woman snarled when she saw Bellamy. 

Bellamy gave her a confused look. “I’m sorry about him ma’am. I can buy that coffee for you if you’d like.”

The woman wrinkled her nose at that. “No thank you. I’d rather buy it myself than have _sinners_ buy it for me.”

“Excuse me?” Murphy said. 

“You two are- homosexuals, aren’t you?”

Bellamy saw how Murphy’s hands started to shake with anger and how he clenched his fists aggressively. Without thinking he intertwined his fingers with Murphy's, exhaling when the shaking subside faintly. “Yes we are, and if you have a problem with that I’d be happy to inform the manager. Discrimination is a crime. It's not the fifties anymore,” Bellamy stated. The woman huffed and Murphy’s head spun. He was shaking with rage and his hand was sweaty in Bellamy’s, but he ignored it. When his eyes locked on Bellamy’s still half-full coffee cup in his other hand, he grinned. 

“You know what? On second thought I will get you that new coffee,” Murphy smirked, hands ripping the paper cup from Bellamy’s grasp. “Here.” Of course, with their luck as soon as Murphy had thrown hot coffee on the awful, homophobic woman, her equally awful homophobic husband had come inside and walked towards them with fury. Though, unlike his wife, the man was huge, at least four times her size and probably at least two times Bellamy’s size. 

The boys sprinted so quickly out of the shop that when they reached the car they were panting and still holding hands. Luckily, Bellamy was able to get out of there before the man could follow them. Murphy kind of felt like a bank robber in a getaway car, filled to the brim with adrenaline and not an ounce of guilt in his body. They remained in silence for a few minutes, still panting and listening to the sound of the engine rumble underneath them. 

When reaching their first stoplight, panting slightly less, they both looked to each other and broke out into hysterical laughter. “Did you see his face?” Murphy asked. “If you didn’t get out of there in time we’d both be six feet under.”

Bellamy had calmed down a bit by then but his face still ached from laughing. “I can’t believe you threw coffee on her.”

“She had it coming,” Murphy replied. 

“Oh, I didn’t mean that as a bad thing. It was awesome.”

Murphy smiled. “I try,” he said. “You weren’t so bad yourself, pretending we were dating just to spite her? That was quick thinking.” Bellamy chuckled and looked over at Murphy. His hands were still shaking slightly despite Murphy clearly having calmed down from his anger spout, but Bellamy didn’t say anything. 

“Oh, _anything_ for you Murphy,” Bellamy joked. The stoplight painted splotches of crimson resembling watercolor shined vividly on Murphy’s pale skin. Then, when the rubies on his face faded to emeralds, Bellamy didn’t even have to look away from Murphy to press on the gas. 

“That really was hilarious though,” Murphy chuckled after a moment. “And this was only the first time we’ve hung out. Imagine the other shit we’ll get ourselves into.”

“I know,” Bellamy said. “You’re going to be a terrible influence on me.”

“Telling you not to let people walk all over you is not me being a bad influence.”

“You threw coffee on her!” Bellamy exclaimed, starting to laugh again. 

“And I’d do it again,” Murphy said, letting more laughter bubble up in his throat as Bellamy did the same. He really tried not to, Murphy hated his laugh and it wasn’t something he did often. Normally, when Murphy thought something was funny he’d just smirk and blow puffs of air out of his nose. Bellamy’s smile and laughter were wickedly contagious though, and Murphy just couldn’t help himself.


	2. you were so excited for me, to finally drive up to your house

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again feel free to lmk what you think of this chapter in the comments <3 also a friendly reminder that i’m a writer for t100 fic for blm !! if you want to request a fanfic be written for you or even request an edit or fanart of some kind check out t100-fic-for-blm.carrd.co for more info :) enjoy the chapter !!

About a month had passed since that day Murphy and Bellamy ran for their lives with an angry homophobic man and his coffee-soaked wife chasing after them. Not much had changed other than Murphy being able to drive without gripping the steering wheel so tight that he'd wake up with aching hands the next morning. Their dynamic hadn’t changed one bit either, to outsiders at least, they were still troublemakers but they really did bring out the best in each other. So in actuality, not much had changed at all, well, except for that _one thing_.

The boys didn’t talk much at school or outside of when they were in Bellamy’s car, but Murphy didn’t mind. It was kind of nice to have a friend that wasn’t Raven, Emori, or Lexa, and he refused to ruin that by being too eager about hanging out with Bellamy. Bellamy was just so honest and kind and creative and _beautiful_. Murphy was addicted to breathing the same air as him. 

He couldn’t explain how or why he felt the way he did but he didn’t tell a soul. John Murphy never talked about his feelings and he wouldn’t start just because some stupid boy way out of his league gave him butterflies in his stomach. The thought of it quite frankly made him want to stick a hand so far down his throat that he threw up each and every one of those rotten lovebugs. 

“-Murphy?”

“Sorry, what?” Murphy asked, clearing his throat and blinking harshly. He’d zoned out yet again while driving which definitely had to be in Murphy’s top three worst places to zone out, but he couldn’t help it, that was just how his brain worked. 

“If you keep zoning out while you’re driving you’re gonna get us both killed y’know.” 

“I’m trying,” he grumbled. “I just have a lot on my mind right now.”

“You _always_ have a lot on your mind,” Bellamy sighed. “C’mon what can I do to help you? You’re never gonna pass your driver’s test if you can’t keep your head in check.”

Murphy exhaled, moving his hands around on the steering wheel to somewhere less warm and sweaty. “If I knew I would tell you.”

“What about music?”

“What do you mean music? We’re listening to music already.”

“Yeah, we’re listening to music that _I_ listen to. Give me something to put on for you,” Bellamy said, picking up his phone, looking at Murphy for a response. “Oh, c’mon Murphy just pick a stupid song. I’m not gonna like judge you or whatever for your music taste if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Murphy sighed. “Can you uh-” he started, “-can you put on one of your songs?” Murphy saw Bellamy looked at him oddly out of the corner of his eye. “You don’t have to, I just thought because I know a lot of your songs and music that I like and stuff and when I listen to your music I have to actually pay attention to the lyrics because I haven’t heard the song before. Does that make sense? I feel like that doesn’t-”

Bellamy smiled and shook his head. “You don’t have to go all shy on me. Just admit that you _love_ the sound of my voice.”

“Oh fuck off Blake. Just put something else on.”

“I was kidding. You’re such a drama queen,” Bellamy said sarcastically, his lips pulled into an amused grin. “Plus, now that you’ve requested my musical expertise there is no going back and I’m going to force you to listen to every song I’ve ever recorded.” Murphy knew he should’ve rolled his eyes at that or made some pessimistic comment like he usually did, but he didn't. He just sat and waited for Bellamy to put on a song as he slowed down, driving towards a stop sign. 

The song Bellamy put on was nothing like the first song he had accidentally shown him. It wasn’t as acoustic and Murphy could hear electric guitar, drums, and maybe even some bass in the background. He wondered if Bellamy got his friends to play those parts for him or if he played all of those instruments himself. 

“This is a new song I’m working on,” Bellamy explained, noticing Murphy’s surprise. “I’m trying something new I guess.”

Murphy nodded and tried to focus on the lyrics of the song as he drove. He found that it did help him focus like he thought it might, but something felt off to him about the lyrics, different. 

Bellamy sang of coffee shops and late-night driving on side streets, he sang of piercing blue eyes and skin pale like the moon, he sang of someone fiery, passionate, angry at the world. Murphy felt his face get violently crimson at the things he heard, the things he thought, the things he _felt_. 

“What’s this song about?” Murphy asked in an oddly choked out voice. 

Bellamy shrugged, almost nonchalant, “I don’t really know honestly. Lyrics came to me in a dream. It’s not finished” A hum of understanding sounded from the back of Murphy’s throat and he turned his attention back to the road, attempting to commit every chord progression, every riff, every word, and every syllable to memory. He knew he could just ask Bellamy for a copy of the song but he remained quiet, trying to internalize his embarrassment. 

Murphy barely said a word for the next couple of hours, taking time to listen intently to all of Bellamy’s words. He just couldn’t get over how pretty they sounded in his mouth. 

He soon realized that it had actually been a whole lot more than a couple of hours and he’d listened to all of Bellamy’s songs at least six times over again. Glancing over at the clock it was somehow already after midnight, and sure they had gone out later than normal so Murphy could practice night-driving, but he didn’t think they were going to be out until the middle of the night. Murphy wasn’t too surprised though, he’d never been all that good with his perception of time. 

To signify how late it was, Bellamy let out a yawn. “You tired? We can call it a night if you want.” Murphy nodded silently even though he wasn’t tired at all, on an average night he didn’t go to bed until the sun started to rise. It wasn’t like Murphy did it on purpose or anything, he just was always quite uptight and didn’t like the pictures that played behind his eyelids after he closed them. It was hard to get to sleep when every part of his brain and body forced him not to.

“We can just go to mine if you want,” Bellamy said before Murphy had the chance to turn onto the next street ahead and to the right. “Raven has a midterm tomorrow and she’ll probably murder you if you wake her up.”

“Oh,” Murphy said, “then can you call Emori for me? Or Lexa?”

“You can just come crash at my place. It’s already midnight. I'm sure they're already asleep.” 

Murphy shrugged. “Yeah okay, you’re probably right. That would be uh- that would be great. Thanks.” 

Bellamy smiled at him. “Take a right at the next stoplight,” he instructed and Murphy did just that. 

He knew for a fact that Emori and Lexa were awake. 

-

“You don’t mind sharing the bed, do you?” Bellamy asked, ruffling his hair after taking his hoodie off. “If you do I can just sleep on the couch downstairs or something.”

“No- I mean uh no that’s um- that would be fine,” Murphy said, fidgeting with his phone in his hands. Bellamy looked at him strangely but shrugged it off soon enough, throwing clothes at Murphy that were definitely going to be too large on him. “You don’t have to-”

“-I’m not gonna make you sleep in your jeans,” Bellamy cut him off. “Why’re you being so weird?”

Murphy’s eyes darted around the room and he clenched the soft fabric of Bellamy’s clothes in his hands. “I’m not being weird-” he gulped, “-I’m just tired. Sorry.”

Bellamy nodded, sitting on the opposite side of his bed, facing away from Murphy. He knew that he should’ve probably been taking that time to get changed into the clothes he was being lent but, he was distracted by Bellamy’s room. The walls were covered in posters and art and pictures that Murphy wanted to look at all day. There were lights strung around the edge of the ceiling and plants littered all surfaces of the room. It reminded him of the interior of Bellamy’s car, so vibrant and expressive in great contrast to Murphy’s bedroom back in his house that practically resembled a jail cell.

He got changed quickly, praying that Bellamy wouldn’t turn around before he was done. The sleeves of the grey shirt fell over his hands and the sweatpants rested low on his hips, bunching up slightly at the ankles. The clothes smelt like Bellamy vaguely in the same way his car or his room did. Though, wearing those clothes and sleeping in Bellamy’s bed next to him was sure to be harder to handle. He smelled of something sweet, spiced, and woodsy all at once, but Murphy couldn’t quite put his finger on what he could even call the scent. It was just so… _Bellamy_. 

He flicked off the lamp on his bedside table as the room became illuminated by dark purple light, and slid under the covers of his bed. Murphy followed suit, placing his phone on that same nightstand and messing with his hair so that the pillow didn’t obstruct it in an unattractive way. He teetered dangerously close to the edge of the bed, heart-beating overwhelmingly fast as the scent of Bellamy engulfed him like a wave. He also noticed that Bellamy wasn’t wearing a shirt, which made absolutely nothing about the situation easier.

Bellamy peered at Murphy through half-lidded eyes as he laid near the wall. “You okay over there?”

“Yep,” Murphy uttered, turning himself around so that he wasn’t facing Bellamy. Though, that didn’t do anything to distract him from the fact that he was in Bellamy Blake’s _bed_ , and that Bellamy Blake was nearly asleep _next to him_. Even the sound of his breathing was enough to make Murphy’s pulse race faster. 

“Okay,” Bellamy whispered. “Goodnight Murphy.” Murphy hummed quietly in response and sat as still as humanly possible, hoping his heart rate would slow down so that the mere sound of it didn’t wake Bellamy from sleep.

But his heart rate didn’t slow down, not when he turned back around to look at Bellamy, not when he buried his head in Bellamy’s pillow, not even when he shut his eyes and started to count down from one hundred. After what seemed like hours of relentless tossing and turning, Murphy noticed a bottle of melatonin on Bellamy’s dresser. He sighed, hoping Bellamy wouldn’t notice or mind, slipping out of the bed to take a couple and then slipping back in. 

In a matter of minutes, Murphy was out like a light. 

-

Bellamy Blake woke up to the sound of sobbing. Well, sobbing or heavy breathing, or both, he was still half-asleep and he was disoriented as ever so he wasn’t quite sure what to make of it, looking around the room for the source of the sound. Then, his eyes landed on Murphy. 

The boy was shaking, visibly distraught by something that had plagued his mind in his dreams. Bellamy reached to turn the lights in his room up brighter by just a little so he could see Murphy’s face. “Hey-” Bellamy sat up in the bed. “-Murphy what-”

Murphy cut him off with a noise that sounded like a wheeze mixed with a sob. Or maybe like a banshee that had asthma? Bellamy really needed to go back to sleep. 

“I- can’t-” he choked out, “-I can’t- breathe.”

Bellamy furrowed his eyebrows moving closer to Murphy. His shoulders moved up and down shakily and his face looked stressed and wet. “Yes, you can.” Bellamy put a hand on his shoulder to try and get the boy to look at him but Murphy recoiled from his touch, bringing his knees up against his chest to shield himself. “Murphy look at me. Just match my breathing,” he said. “It’s okay.”

Murphy shook his head rapidly. “No- no it’s not- I can’t-”

“-Murphy,” Bellamy said again, his voice low. “Just match my breathing.”

Murphy didn’t budge, continuing to stare off in his own world, gasping for air as more tears gathered on his eyelashes. His breathing only seemed to get worse as his body mirrored the leaves shivering on the forest floor behind Bellamy’s house.

Bellamy exhaled. “I’m gonna do something right now because I think it might help so just- don’t get mad, okay?” Murphy didn’t look at him and continued to burn a hole in Bellamy’s wall in the spot that he stared. 

Then suddenly, Murphy’s airway was blocked. His shoulders paused in their shaking motions and even though his heart was still beating a million miles a minute, it wasn’t just from the nightmare anymore.

Bellamy’s mouth tasted like toothpaste and warmth and Murphy was sure he tasted like sweat, tears, and desperation but in that frame of mind, he couldn’t find it in himself to care. Though as soon as the kiss had started, it was over, both of them left with labored breathing. Murphy looked up at Bellamy, his lips tingling, and feeling more at ease. He didn’t say anything, he wasn’t sure what to say, he just stared blankly as he made a poor attempt to stabilize his breaths.

“I uh- I read somewhere that you can stop a panic attack by making someone hold their breath,” Bellamy explained. “So I-”

“-So you kissed me.”

“Yeah,” Bellamy said. “I hope that was okay. Do you want to talk about what happened?”

Murphy swallowed the lump in his throat and shook his head. “Can you just tell me where your bathroom is?” 

“Second door on your left,” he replied, pointing to his door out at the upstairs hallway. Murphy followed his instructions and found the bathroom quickly, closing the door and sliding down against it and onto the floor as soon as it was locked. Thoughts swam through Murphy’s thoughts like rabid sea monsters and Bellamy’s kiss was the ray of sun that kept seaweed growing in dark waters.

The whole ordeal sent his mind into overdrive. It had been the best thing he’d ever felt in a while and that terrified Murphy to no end. He’d thought about kissing Bellamy all the time, but after just getting one taste he desperately wanted that kiss to be more than a one-time pity thing. A tear slid down his face that he wiped away with a frustrated swipe. Murphy was never anything except for a one-time pity thing, not with the boys he liked anyway.

A hesitant knock at the door sent Murphy hurdling away from it, standing up on shaky legs. “Murphy are you okay in there? It’s just been a while so I came to check.” Murphy opened his mouth to talk but found that suppressed sobs were eager to leak out. 

He swallowed roughly before in a sudden burst of anger, opening the door and walking back into Bellamy’s room, nudging past him without a word. He slid on his jacket and started to put on his shoes, but Bellamy grabbed his wrists softly, holding them so Murphy couldn’t continue tying his shoelaces. “Are you gonna tell what’s going on or am I gonna have to force it out of you?” Bellamy’s voice was tired and gravelly but so full of genuine concern that it made tears roll silently down Murphy’s face, but their lack of sound didn’t mean they went unnoticed. “Hey- hey what’s going on? Did I do something?” Bellamy said, moving to sit on the floor in front of Murphy. “The kiss was too much, wasn’t it?”

Murphy opened his mouth to speak but only let out a humiliating whimper. He had planned to say something in response, anything that wouldn’t ruin their friendship more than the day already had, but he couldn’t think of any lies to spare him from the embarrassment of the truth. “No it’s- it’s not that-” Bellamy stared at him, nothing but kindness and understanding in his eyes. Murphy hated Bellamy for how easy he was to trust. “-I’m just like- embarrassed I guess.” Murphy laughed wetly, moving his hands to cover his face when Bellamy let go of his wrists. 

“Is that it?” Bellamy asked. Murphy looked up at him with clear guilt in his eyes. Of course, that wasn’t _it_ but Murphy would rather die than say out loud what the rest of _it_ was.

“No,” Murphy whispered. His head felt dizzy and feverish. 

“I know that you like me, Murphy.”

Murphy’s heartbeat sped up more and more with each passing moment and he was sure if this kept going on he’d pass out on Bellamy’s carpet. His heart had undergone too much stress that day for his scrawny teenage body to handle without collapse. “I- of course, I like you. We’re friends.”

“Murphy look at me,” Bellamy pleaded, and when Murphy didn’t meet his eyes, he moved his hands to cup Murphy’s face in his hands. 

He pushed Bellamy’s hands off his face quicker than lightning. His features clouded with anger and humiliation. “Now you’re just making fun of me,” he sneered, moving to continue putting his shoes on. 

“Oh,” Bellamy muttered. “So you do then-”

“-Yes Bellamy. I have a big, fat, fucking crush on you,” Murphy spat, his voice wobbly and throat coated with flavorless honey. “Now can you let me put on my shoes so I can leave?”

“No, I can’t actually,” Bellamy said. Murphy could hear the grin in his voice. 

Murphy just groaned and stood up with his shoes trying to leave the room. Bellamy stood up and blocked him with his hands on Murphy’s shoulders. “Can you just let me leave so I can go wallow in my self-pity in peace?” Bellamy didn’t move a muscle. “You’re so damn irritating you know that?” He tried to move away from Bellamy so he could leave but was firmly kept in place with a strong but gentle grip. 

“I learned from the best,” Bellamy smirked, moving his hands back onto Murphy’s face gingerly and pulling him in for a kiss, a real one this time. Murphy pushed away from him for a moment, and Bellamy just rolled his eyes. “I like you too, idiot. Can you shut up and stop being insufferable for two seconds so I can kiss you?” 

Something sweet and light overtook Murphy’s face, sapphires encased within eye sockets glittering to compliment his nervous and confused smile. He removed his fingernails from where they left bleeding crescent moons on the palms of his hands and sighed. 

Instead of responding to Bellamy’s question he tugged off his jacket and sat back on Bellamy’s bed, pulling the taller boy forward until he laid above Murphy, kissing him excitedly underneath warm, violet light.

“Wait a minute,” Murphy said softly. “Does that mean that new song you played earlier was about _me_ ?” Bellamy moved his gaze away from Murphy’s face. “Awww _, Bellamy_ -”

Bellamy cut him off with a groan. “Can we just make out now please?” 

“Your wish is my command loverboy,” Murphy giggled. And John Murphy didn’t _giggle_.

“Shut up,” Bellamy said, whining in annoyance. 

“Gladly,” Murphy replied, capturing Bellamy in another kiss.

-

Bellamy woke up to a warm body on top of his and lips grazing all over the skin of his face, tracing his freckles like a connect-the-dots puzzle. “You’re awake. It’s about time,” Murphy said, watching as the wings of a golden butterfly fluttered open, revealing auburn irises beneath. 

They laid nose to nose under Bellamy’s comforter, and Bellamy smiled, craning his neck to kiss Murphy’s cheek. “You woke me up.”

“Oh you poor thing,” Murphy pouted, moving to get out of the bed. Bellamy shivered at the cold and leaned over to grab Murphy’s waist, wrapping his arms around his torso firmly so he couldn’t leave the bed. 

“I didn’t say waking me up was a bad thing. Especially if you’re gonna do it like that,” Bellamy said with a grin, holding Murphy so that his back was flush against his chest. “If I was asleep I wouldn’t have gotten to do this.” Bellamy nuzzled his face in the nape of Murphy’s neck before moving to press his lips along his neck and shoulders. Murphy hummed and turned in Bellamy’s arms so he could plant a kiss on his mouth. “Hey, Murphy?”

“Yes, Bellamy?” Murphy repeated, teasingly. 

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?” Murphy rolled his eyes playfully and kissed Bellamy again, reaching up to push on Bellamy’s shoulder so he could lay on top of him, his knees resting on either side of Bellamy’s torso as Bellamy moved his hands around Murphy’s waist. When they broke apart for air. “So I’ll take that as a yes then?” Bellamy panted. Murphy just nodded as he pressed his forehead against Bellamy’s.

Suddenly, a sharp knock at the door interrupted them, and Bellamy moved Murphy so he was no longer lying on top of him. “Bellamy? Can I come in?” It was Octavia. 

Bellamy looked over at Murphy for a second and his eyes widened. “You have to hide in my closet,” he whisper-yelled to Murphy. “Yeah, just a second!” 

Murphy laughed for a moment at that but soon stopped when Bellamy’s face stayed monotonous. “It’s just Octavia I don’t understand why-” Murphy started. “-Are you ashamed of me or something?”

“What? No- no Murphy of course not but- just- just look in the mirror” Bellamy stammered, grabbing Murphy’s hand to pull him out of bed. When the boys were standing he pointed towards the mirror over his dresser and Murphy understood quickly, eyebrows raised. 

“Oh shit,” Murphy chuckled. 

“Can you just get in the closet?”

“Fine. I guess I ought to meet your family for the first time when my neck doesn’t look like it’s been attacked by leeches,” he joked. Bellamy just groaned and shoved him into the closet behind his clothes. “Y’know this is actually kind of ironic- me being in the-”

Bellamy cut him off with a brief kiss and then shushed him, moving to open the bedroom door. “Hey, what’s up?”

Octavia looked at him strangely. “Well, someone’s in a good mood.”

“Am I not usually?” 

Octavia snorted. “Normally you’d be acting like you want to bite my head off because you don’t have a gallon of coffee in your system yet.”

Bellamy shrugged. “I was awake.”

“Okay,” she replied, skeptical. “I was just coming to ask if you were coming to Clarke’s party tonight. It’s not going to be huge or anything like last time, she said like twenty-ish people.”

“That’s tonight?” he asked. “Does she even want me there? I thought that she wasn’t-”

“-I thought maybe tonight would be a good night for you guys to fix things?” 

Bellamy sat down on the edge of his bed, holding his head in his hands for a moment. “I already told you, O. It’s not like that anymore.” Bellamy was beginning to get nervous about what Octavia might say next with Murphy listening. “Can we just talk about this later?”

“Yeah I guess- but I’m gonna hold that to you later,” Octavia said, pointing her finger at him, walking to the door to leave the room. “Are those new shoes?” she asked, pointing to Murphy’s combat boots that were placed carelessly on the carpet. 

“Yup. Can you leave now?” he asked. 

Octavia sighed. “There’s my Bellamy! Unfortunately, we are actually out of coffee-” 

“-Are you-”

“-Bye!” Octavia said, closing her brother’s bedroom door behind her. Bellamy briefly mourned the loss of his usual, cheap, morning coffee before walking to the closet to let Murphy out. “That was a close one,” he joked, leaving the closet to rest his arms loosely over Bellamy’s shoulders. He placed a chaste kiss on the older boy’s lips with a smile, leaning back to stand eye-level with Bellamy. “What’d she want?”

Bellamy furrowed his eyebrows. “You didn’t hear?”

“I heard some stuff but I zoned out for most of it. Still tired,” Murphy responded. “Who’s Clarke?”

“She’s my ex-girlfriend,” Bellamy sighed. “She used to be in my grade but she graduated early. That’s probably why you haven’t heard of her.” Murphy nodded silently, staring at Bellamy expectedly. “A lot of my friends including my sister want me to get back together with her. She came in here to ask me if I was gonna go to her party tonight and fix things.”

“Oh,” Murphy said. “Are you?”

“I was actually hoping you’d come with me? I need to get everyone off my back about the whole thing _so_ bad and I’d like to introduce them to my boyfriend too. Kills two birds with one stone.”

Murphy’s guarded expression melted away as his eyes lit up. “Sure. Why not meet your ex-girlfriend and friends the day after we start dating when they all want you to get back together with her? Sounds like a great idea.”

“Shut up, Murphy. It’ll be fine and if you need an additional buffer, Raven will be there too,” Bellamy reassured, smiling and kissing Murphy back in return. The two of them got back in Bellamy’s bed, limbs wrapped around each other intensely in order to be as physically close to each other as possible. “It’ll be so great once you get your license,” he whispered in the crook Murphy’s neck. “Then you can drive here anytime you want.”

“I’m looking forward to not having to feel guilty for dragging you around everywhere.”

“I don’t mind,” Bellamy shrugged. “But now if you want to come over at three in the morning or even when I’m not home just to be here when I do- you could do that. I mean you’ll be able to do a bunch of other stuff too- but you get what I mean right?”

Murphy smiled wide, teeth peeking out from beneath his cherry-red lips, swollen subtly from kissing his new boyfriend for hours on end. “Yes I get what you mean Bellamy,” he said. “I’m excited to be able to drive to your house too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg also shoutout to my good friend shay who beta’d this for me :) they are @commanderclarke on here if you would like to read any of their fics!


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